Republic of Athens

Sorority worries leave longtime friend hanging

Dear Trevor: My childhood friend and I decided to enroll in the same school, which I’ll call “Fohio University.” Let’s say my friend’s name is “Zennifer.”

Zennifer and I have always been really close, but since we’ve come to Fohio, I’m really worried about her. She hasn’t been acting the same ever since she got involved with a certain sorority, which I’ll call “Slamma Gamma Jamma.” (I can’t understand all of those Italian letters.) Not only has she taken on a way more serious interest in name-brand apparel, but I think she’s being pressured into lots of very un-Zennifer-like situations, ranging from community service, attending “socials,” and, more to the point, weird rituals that might even include humiliating herself, just to “fit in.” Like hazing, I’d say.

The other day, I noticed what looked like faint Sharpie marks on the side of her face, and a possible Stiletto wound on her shoulder. Should I intervene as a friend, or just back away, and admit that she’s chosen to be Slamma Gamma Jamma for life? I just want her to be happy.

- Kaitellyenne, Wooster

Dear Kaitellyenne: Tough one there. But even if you can substantiate the rumors of the high-heeled floggings, etc., I’d advise basing your decision on whether Zennifer appears to be truly happy. As you said, that’s the important thing. Although she might very well appreciate that you’re looking out for her, it’s also important for you to remember that your friend is an adult now, free to make decisions for herself.

Back in my sophomore year, I got mixed up in a similar situation, except I was the one more like your Zennifer. A group of my “friends” turned out not to be an official fraternity, but a traveling pack of ruffians, some of whom had scary, cultish leanings. How was I to tell, from their crisp new shirts and backwards ball caps? Well, a few initiations and unsavory “dining” experiences (mostly involving non-food items) later, it seemed I had earned my way in. We threw parties, bonded, and had a great time together.

But just days later, my new so-called “brothers” were arrested on multiple counts of some surprisingly unusual crimes they’d allegedly committed under different names in three other states. I was left with nothing except the tracking device the fellas had a few nights earlier surgically implanted into my ankle, and an insignia I let them brand into my abdomen, which turned out to be nothing more than Sanskrit for “idiot.”

So, I definitely understand your concerns. But the important thing is, I experienced true happiness, even if for a short time. And while I still have the scars to show from my time with the guys, I also have pen pals in two federal penitentiaries!

As Zennifer’s longtime friend, your worry at her sudden change of behavior may be natural, but these are important times of self-discovery for you both. A little bond money and a shoulder to lean on can go a long way.

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