Letters: Down with Halloween?
Editors:
I’m writing on behalf of Concerned Citizens of Athens Who Favor Modifying, Curtailing And/Or Banning The Halloween Block Party Altogether (or CCAWFMCAOBTHPA, pronounced “C-C-A-W-F-M-C-A-O-B-T-H-P-A”). Every year around this time, it’s the same old story — a great excuse for drunken transients to parade around mostly naked, often in weather conditions well below the annual average temperature.
We’re not opposed to fun, but if Athens is going to make national headlines every year, we’d prefer that it be for something other than a bunch of alcohol-poisonings, random tire-slashings, public urination, flesh-baring revelers, and tazings (usually of flesh-baring revelers). Also, what is the deal with girls always dressing as some kind of bee? Or as a mostly naked… whatever? Mostly naked nurse, mostly naked taxman, mostly naked sanitary engineer, mostly naked lemur, etc.
This year, our Board of Directors has put together a “comprehensive plan” aimed at phasing out Halloween in Athens. As our name implies, we’re certainly not without our factions, as recommendations vary widely in severity and urgency, from issuing glow-sticks to every attendee to constructing a concrete wall and electric fence around the city’s perimeter. Whatever your interest level, we’re confident that there’s a place for you to contribute to the ongoing goals of CCAWFMCAOBTHPA. Look for us year-round as we distribute our brochures that contain our entire plan. Happy Halloween, and please don’t assault anybody.
Warmly,
Betty Collins, Director
CCAWFMCAOBTHPA
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Alright, so here’s my solution to the block party conundrum: I say we have the revelers build a wall, similar in stature and strength to the Great Wall of China. Once this wall is constructed, many of the drunken fools will have already perished during the construction of the wall and will be buried inside it. As for the survivors, they will have been tricked into trapping themselves within the Great Wall of Athens. What suckers!
The fact is that the block party would have been long gone if the city didn’t make so much money off of it. None of them really want it to end.
In other news, I went as a bee two years ago, and I was so disappointed to see how many other bees there were! I felt so unoriginal!