Sweet rhymes for tough times
As the presidential race heats up, and as finger-pointing and mud-slinging abound, local Republicans have taken on a decidedly gentler, even cuter, approach to supporting their candidates.
Athens County Republicans have announced their new, highly controversial strategy of establishing their tickets based on the rhyme schemes formed by the nominees’ names.
“We feel that this effort allows us to be seen as a little less ‘ruling class’ and a little more clever, a little more fun-loving,” said a registered Athens Republican, who identified himself as Shayne Dwayne-Wayne. “We realize that now more than ever Americans are basing their political decisions and ideologies more on packaging and image than on substance or stances on the issues,” he said.
Asked if he worried about whether such an experimental strategy could alienate more serious-minded voters, Dwayne-Wayne said, ”It’s not even a strategy per se, as much as a current, in-touch form of outreach, kind of a reminder that all politics doesn’t have to be so serious all of the time. We think it’s important for Republicans to be at the forefront of that movement.
“U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Yaaaaaay! Lipstick!,” he said. ”Ya-hooooo! Kane, Payne, McCain! Drill, baby, drill! Thanks but no thanks, bridge to nowhere! U.S.A.! Yaaaaaay! Kane, Payne, McCain! Kane, Payne, McCain! U.S.A.! Yay!”
“See? Catchy things work,” Dwayne-Wayne said. “They just do.”
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I think the republicans are more plain, more sane, and will help United Stateseans achieve more gain in the same plane as Spain. If only not for the rain on the plains, McCain would have claimed the inside lane with that “hot” dame. But it’s really all the same, with no real change.
If only that idiot Sarah Palin spelled her name Sarah Plain, republican voters would have had an easier time remembering who to vote for, and we wouldn’t have to listen to Rush Limbaugh.