Republic of Athens

Still fighting over Palmer Fest

In the wake of this year’s particularly rowdy (and indeed street fire-producing) Palmer Fest — an annual block party bash near the campus of Ohio University — students, residents, and city officials are still buzzing about what to expect for next year. With significant national attention given to the “near riot” and/or “police brutality,” 74 arrests, including 46 OU students, and wildly disparate accounts of what really happened at this year’s event, Republic of Athens set out to get an in-depth grasp of the truth.

It is our hope that, through greater understanding from all parties involved, we might help to secure a safer, less blood-riddled environment for the future.

Brandon, a junior from Euclid, Ohio, who would only give his first name (or, alternately, “Big B,” or “B-ran,” or “The Bra”), said the whole “disaster” amounted to a massive overreaction by law enforcement.

“Okay, we were all just hanging out, all chill, drinking, listening to some music when a bunch of cops on horses came charging in and punching people on the head,” Brandon said. “This one guy in riot gear slapped this chick in the face while she just sitting there having a sandwich. So my dude was like, chill out, she’s just having a sandwich!”

“So, the cop was like, ‘Here’s your sandwich, ********!”

Brandon, who said he’s facing a disorderly conduct charge, said he’s “only guilty of having a good time.”

“Yeah, I urinated on a police horse at one point, but I don’t really see what’s wrong with that,” he said. “I had to go, and the horse was right there in front of me. And it’s not like urine is painful to horses, especially not compared to all of the full beer cans people were chucking at them.”

“Totally,” Brandon’s friend, Nate, agreed.

“So, then I get arrested!” Brandon said. “It’s just insane.”

“Totally,” Nate said.

“I don’t see how this is any different from what people did in the ’60s, like during the sit-ins at the lunch counter and stuff,” Brandon said. “We just wanted to burn up a few stops signs and couches, chuck some stuff at horses, and just chill. You know? It’s like, ‘What about our civil rights?’”

Officer Ross McCown, of the local police department, said he saw things differently.

“We were there to ensure everyone’s safety, and it was only after a bunch of unprovoked students started burning things in the street and pelting officers with cans, bottles, and other debris that we were forced to take the actions necessary for bringing the whole thing under control,” he said.

Asked about eye-witness reports of excessive force by the police, McCown called the accusations “ridiculous.”

“As we arrived on the scene, students began hurling what looked like homemade grenades, and we have reason to believe that several of them were equipped with flame-throwing devices and automatic weapons.”

“When a situation has started to get that far out of hand, it’s our responsibility to do everything we can to make sure it doesn’t escalate any further,” he said.

Despite his insistence that law enforcement “took the high road,” McCown did offer one qualification, unprompted.

“Now don’t get me wrong,” he said. “There’s something really cool about busting up a party, shaking people down and making them cry.”

Patricia Suggs, of the Better Neighborhoods Association of Athens, is an outspoken critic of what she’s dubbed “the general disrespectfulness of student behavior”, and its impact on the greater Athens community. A lifelong Athens resident, she’s the author of the controversial memoir, “Why College Students Have Spoiled Everything for Everyone, And Why They Don’t Give Half a Damn About Anything But Themselves.”

She said her proposal for preventing future near-riots among students is one that’s simple and direct.

“Kick ‘em out. The vast majority of them have no business being here in the first place,” Suggs said. “But, once they’re here, they should be forced to either behave like grown-ups or get deported back to Mommy and Daddy. I’d also like to see some kind of public humiliation punishments brought back from the old days, just as extra incentive. I’m pretty sure that might make little Johnnie Cool Pants think twice about blaring his bad music, leaving his trash everywhere, and relieving himself on my lawn.”

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