He stays in his room pretty much all the time, except when he goes out at night. He rarely spends time in the common areas of the house, and all of his food and drinks are stacked neatly on one side of the fridge –  I guess he doesn’t want to share. In the 72 hours since he’s moved in, he’s refused my multiple invitations for a game of checkers, or my offers of a cold soda, or even a ham-salad sandwich.

Last night, when he came home, it was clear he’d been out partying. He looked a little “hungover,” if you know what I mean. Shortly after he came home, he got sick in the bathroom. I went in and offered to help clean up, but he just said, “Get the (expletive) out of here.” I’m disappointed — I was really hoping Bud and I could be pals.

– Bummed on North College Street

Dear Bummed: Your housemate reminds me a lot of one I had briefly during my sophomore year. I went through some of the same frustrations with him. For being such a cool guy, he sure did keep to himself a lot.

No amount of “Let’s go outside and toss around the football” could pull him away from his video games, smut mags, and various other vices. My choices were to adjust by accepting him (since you can’t change another person without his or her willing participation in that change) or find a new environment more suited to my own interests. As it turned out, though, my “Bud” was an undercover cop whose true identity we ‘d learn only after ”Bud” was badly injured while biking just a little too close to cougar country!

Dear Trevor: My roommate and I are about to host our first off-campus party. We’ve pared down the guest list to over-21s, reserved a few kegs and sent the invitations. Any tips for pulling off a successful (and legal) bash?

– Ashleighee and Barbara

Dear A and B: Hey, ladies! Sounds like a good time. Hmm… A successful and legal bash. Well, it might be smart to keep a few fake I.D.s (with generic-enough-looking pictures) on hand in advance. That way, in the event that some under-agers “sneak through the cracks” and the cops happen to pay a visit, you could present a few examples of your handiwork, and make like you had just seized them from the perpetrators yourself.

You could be all, “I can’t believe these people just lied to me! Thanks so much for your time and help, officer.” Just be sure not to oversell your lines, and do not smirk. Also, it’s never too early to start practicing your best “betrayed and genuinely disappointed” face. ; ) You could probably even incorporate it into some kind of drinking game, or corn hole or something. May the best “disappointed” face win!

It may not be cool to rat out illegal revelers, but it sure beats being the one that Mom, Dad, and Aunt Jane get to read about online in the Athens police blotter.  Oh yeah, and steer clear of the hard drugs!

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- Derek, Marysville

Dear Mike: I have to say that the first thing from your letter that jumped out at me was the bit about your brother’s double being sent to cover for him. I thought I was the only one who had such an experience! Except in my case, my double was unsolicited, and highly unhelpful.

Sophomore year: 1) Trevor loses wallet. 2) Guy with similar haircut finds Trevor’s multiple forms of state-issued identification. 3) Trevor’s new and only mildly convincing impostor makes lots of headlines by committing a rash of unsavory and felonious acts. 4) Yours truly finds an unflattering picture of his face plastered all over post offices, roadside rests and late-night TV programs about wanted criminals. I think I wouldn’t mind trading that whole mix-up for an unauthorized cash loan to my brother, and a few unduly soiled polo shirts and boxer briefs.

But I certainly don’t mean to diminish in any way your dilemma. Just have a good heart-to-heart with your brother about the importance of honesty and trust. And maybe share with him the potential perils of living life with a fake “Guy.”

Dear Trevor: I am in major academic trouble. I have always been a straight-A student, but last week, I scored below 97 percent on one of my exams (but more than a 90). I have NEVER come this close to failing a test, and so cannot accept this. When I told the professor I was unhappy with her unfair and skewed grading system, she just responded, “Too bad”!! Should I sue, or just transfer to another school?

- Jaimee, Tipp City

Dear Jaimee:. Tough one there. I know that in our ever-increasingly litigious society, suing might be your first impulse, but I’d say to just tough it out. For some perspective, take a little step back from the situation. Take a deep breath, decompress, and even treat yourself to a nice “Jaimee” moment. (Shuffle board anyone? How about a high-carb snack?)

Life’s too short, and you’re too blessed to be stressed. Also, think about all of the people out there dying right now of horrific afflictions, or getting jacked up by thugs in some alley as you’re reading this. Kind of makes that whole “94 percent in Introductory History” thing seem pretty OK, doesn’t it? And if all else fails, you could always try one of my ill-advised tactics from sophomore year, and staple a $10 bill to your exam… complete with a smiley face drawing and apology for being unprepared. Yes, it’s all about perspective!

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Zennifer and I have always been really close, but since we’ve come to Fohio, I’m really worried about her. She hasn’t been acting the same ever since she got involved with a certain sorority, which I’ll call “Slamma Gamma Jamma.” (I can’t understand all of those Italian letters.) Not only has she taken on a way more serious interest in name-brand apparel, but I think she’s being pressured into lots of very un-Zennifer-like situations, ranging from community service, attending “socials,” and, more to the point, weird rituals that might even include humiliating herself, just to “fit in.” Like hazing, I’d say.

The other day, I noticed what looked like faint Sharpie marks on the side of her face, and a possible Stiletto wound on her shoulder. Should I intervene as a friend, or just back away, and admit that she’s chosen to be Slamma Gamma Jamma for life? I just want her to be happy.

- Kaitellyenne, Wooster

Dear Kaitellyenne: Tough one there. But even if you can substantiate the rumors of the high-heeled floggings, etc., I’d advise basing your decision on whether Zennifer appears to be truly happy. As you said, that’s the important thing. Although she might very well appreciate that you’re looking out for her, it’s also important for you to remember that your friend is an adult now, free to make decisions for herself.

Back in my sophomore year, I got mixed up in a similar situation, except I was the one more like your Zennifer. A group of my “friends” turned out not to be an official fraternity, but a traveling pack of ruffians, some of whom had scary, cultish leanings. How was I to tell, from their crisp new shirts and backwards ball caps? Well, a few initiations and unsavory “dining” experiences (mostly involving non-food items) later, it seemed I had earned my way in. We threw parties, bonded, and had a great time together.

But just days later, my new so-called “brothers” were arrested on multiple counts of some surprisingly unusual crimes they’d allegedly committed under different names in three other states. I was left with nothing except the tracking device the fellas had a few nights earlier surgically implanted into my ankle, and an insignia I let them brand into my abdomen, which turned out to be nothing more than Sanskrit for “idiot.”

So, I definitely understand your concerns. But the important thing is, I experienced true happiness, even if for a short time. And while I still have the scars to show from my time with the guys, I also have pen pals in two federal penitentiaries!

As Zennifer’s longtime friend, your worry at her sudden change of behavior may be natural, but these are important times of self-discovery for you both. A little bond money and a shoulder to lean on can go a long way.

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I just let it go, and pretended not to notice. Well, lately she’s been waiting until I fall asleep to come into the room and light various parts of her own body on fire! So, I get to wake up to the terrifying sounds of her screaming. When I confront her about it, she just leaves and usually doesn’t come back for a couple of days. Also, I know she’s been eating my cereals and things, little bits at a time. Plus I heard she’s into vegetarianism or libertarianism or one of those kinds of things. What should I do?

- Kaiyteleinne, North Olmstead

Dear Kaiyteleinne: I had a really similar situation during my first year in college. In the case of my roommate, he not only exhibited noisy self-destructive behaviors, but took to hiding various pieces of roadkill in my bed clothes and dresser drawers. He even stuck a bloody death threat, held in place by a hunting knife, to my pillow.

But the last straw was when he ate three of my Snickers “fun size” bars without asking. I almost hit the roof!

As it turned out, we just needed to open the lines of communication. We contacted our university’s mediation services, and got to work on embracing our differences. My roommate never did admit to the carcass stunts, but we did learn a lot about each other (and how to label our food items)! Try to view the challenges presented by your roommate as great opportunities to expand your own horizons — and maybe you’ll make a new friend in the process.

Dear Trevor: We’ve got this new housemate who likes to drink way too much. During a recent party, he urinated into my laptop. I can’t straight-up prove that he did it, but I know he’s the only one around who would do that. Anyway, now the keys stick all the time. Plus, just knowing the unit was urinated on, you know? When I asked him about it, he said he didn’t remember doing it. But that doesn’t mean I should have to just accept a urinated-on laptop, does it?

- Mike, Cincinnati

Dear Mike: I actually had a very similar situation once in a shared living space during college. To make matters worse, the computer-urinator culprit was my girlfriend. I suspect it was during one of her drunken romps with my best friend. We talked it out non-confrontationally, and came to an agreement that she wouldn’t do that again. Your best friend in this case, Mike, is COMMUNICATION (and a little sanitizer)!

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